


A Meadow Watered by Tears (father, can’t you hear your baby crying?)

by charlietheepic7



Series: Rebellion Against the Light (no matter its source) [1]
Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Female Kurusu Akira, Female Persona 5 Protagonist, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Maruki Takuto is the Protagonist's Father, Memory Alteration, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Persona 5 Protagonist is from Inaba, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Phantom Thieves of Hearts - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:47:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23996263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlietheepic7/pseuds/charlietheepic7
Summary: There were a lot of things he could have said. A lot of things he could have done. But now, he'd waited to long and was forced to watch rage and despair fill her gaze. "Why-?" She choked, barely able to spit the words out. "Why didn't you tell me!?"The only answer he could give was, "I just wanted you to be happy."
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist, Maruki Takuto & Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: Rebellion Against the Light (no matter its source) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730422
Comments: 19
Kudos: 155





	1. Glass in the Throat (oh god, what have i done?)

Takuto knew he had made a good decision about working for Shujin High School the moment he watched those three kids—the blond boy, the blonde girl, and the dark-haired girl—materialize out of thin air. Those three—the Phantom Thieves of Hearts, though they didn’t use that name yet—had traveled to the other world, the one where desires were made real. That must be the case! And if he could talk to them, gain their first hand knowledge of other people’s hearts, he could help so many people!

So that was why he was in Shujin’s record department the day before he started counseling, searching through the information of the school’s second years. He had to find them, to integrate himself with their group so they’d feel comfortable talking to him. And it’s not like he didn’t have a legitimate excuse! The school gave him a list of people who were required to go to counseling and he’d rather know what they looked like beforehand rather than have to ask around later.

Besides, his search had already born fruit. The blond boy he found in class 2-B: Ryuji Sakamoto. And the blonde girl, 2-D: Ann Takamaki. And at last, he found the last member, the dark-haired girl who’s name matched with the delinquent girl he was told about. He studied her face and then the kanji—

_“Which last name do you think we should take? Once we get married?”_

_“I thought we’d use your last name? It is traditional.”_

_“Aw, but the kanji in yours is better! Do you really want our kids to be stuck as Maruki’s when they can have—”_

暁 来栖

Akira Kurusu.

It couldn’t be. Sure, she was 16 and he last saw—well, it just wouldn’t have been possible. Plenty of people had that surname and, sure, he hadn’t met a single other person with that last name in almost 17 years, but it just couldn’t be…

But it was. Because while in Akira Kurusu’s documents the father section was blank, the name under her mother read clearly, mockingly:

留美 来栖.

Rumi Kurusu.

And for the second time in Takuto Maruki’s life, heartbreak shattered him.

* * *

She looked like him. Rumi too, of course, in her stature and her skin, but he was there too, to an almost uncomfortable degree. He felt on edge, as if she already knew, as though someone would realize… but no, he was being paranoid. There was no way; Rumi’s grandparents didn’t even know his name due to an estrangement between them and her parents and who would look at a school girl and her counselor meeting for the first time and think _that_.

But there was enough resemblance that someone could make the connection. She had Rumi’s hair color before she dyed it, but the frizzy waves were all his. Her eye shape, his eye color. Her chin, his jaw. Her eyebrows, his cheekbones.

“Hey there,” he says like it’s not torturing him to see Kurusu-san. “Sakamoto-kun and Takamaki-san, right? And that must make you… Kurusu-san.” Her name almost got stuck in his throat.

He put up with her friend’s ire—it wasn’t the first time a patient wasn’t receptive towards the idea of counseling. At least Takamaki-san seemed interested in a session. But Takuto kept his attention on Kurusu-san. She seemed stoic, quiet, though he couldn’t tell if it was just her personality or left-over trauma from her arrest (one assault charge, uncontested due to the family’s finical situation. He would understand if she lost her temper, he had one too, but why would she—).

At least she didn’t seem too affected by Kamoshida’s former rule over the school. He didn’t know what he would have done if Kamoshida had…

Still, he hoped she would take him up on his offer for counseling. He wanted, needed, to get to know her better. Perhaps he could draw her in with snacks? Rumi always liked those… But if he had to bribe her, then he would do so. She seemed amiable at the idea of mental training and perked up at the offer of his deal. Maybe with this, he’d be able to take a place in her life…

* * *

After school, that same day, Kurusu-san stopped by for her first counseling session. Was she that eager to get started? Or perhaps, that eager to get it over with? Either way, he was glad she came.

And she knew Yoshizawa-san as well! Were they friends? He hoped so; ~~Su-~~ Kasumi was such a sweet girl and needed more friends. And perhaps Kurusu-san needed more as well? He’d spent the day hearing rumors about the “delinquent transfer student” and all her crimes from murder, to bribery, to exotic pet smuggling, all of which seemed ridiculous until someone mistook the black cat he’d caught peeking out of her bag earlier for something far rarer. It would be hard to make friends under all the rumors, but Yoshizawa-san was mature enough to ignore them.

Still, it was their first session! His first chance to get to know her! He couldn’t be more excited.

His stomach turned unpleasantly.

Takuto invited her inside and welcomed her, only to hold back a frown at her curt “We had a deal.” There was that word again; she’d used it before when first agreeing to meet with him. It was rather telling word choice. Deals, in some way or form, were very fundamental to her. Did she consider all her relationships that way? Transactional? He hoped not.

So he deflected with a little laugh. “Well, I’ll try to make sure it’s worth the trouble. Shall we sit?”

They did, with Kurusu-san choosing the chair on his left, her right. She didn’t look like a girl who needed counseling, her face blank and her eyes hidden behind thick-framed glasses. He supposed it was probably because she’d gotten rid of Kamoshida herself—her and her friends—but he couldn’t ignore the possibility of her ignoring her trauma. Who knew what could have happened in that other world?

Takuto smiled. “So, Kurusu-san, tell me about yourself? There really isn’t much in first session we can do other than get to know each other, I’m afraid.”

She glanced away, lips drawn into a thin line. “I suppose… you’ve read my student file already.”

“I have. Would you like to start with that or something else?”

A sigh, resigned. “No, it’s fine… there’s not much to tell anyway.”

And indeed, she was correct. She told him about the event—walking home from cram school only to discover a man sexually assaulting a woman. She tried to intervene and before she could process anything, she was in a holding cell at the police station 3 kilometers away from her home. Takuto was torn between a cold fury and pride. Kurusu-san was so strong, so kind, and he wanted _to rip apart the man who ruined her life_. He swallowed the urge, suppressed it, placed it back into the farthest corner of his mind where he kept the other dark things, so he could focus on helping Kurusu-san.

Takuto didn’t want to ask this question—he’d spent almost two decades trying to avoid news on Rumi and now he was interrogating their—but he had to ask. “And what were your parents’ reaction to your arrest?”

Kurusu-san tugged at her bangs. “Mom was… upset. She believed me, even though that man convinced the woman to lie about what happened, but… We already had money problems, and trying to fight the sentence would have only made more. So, we agreed to a plea bargain and I got sent up here on probation for a year.” She ran a hand over her face. “I know she loves me, but… she hasn’t contacted me since I left home.” Takuto shot up in his seat, fully focused on her. She didn’t notice. “I can’t blame her for it. I really am a problematic child for her.”

Swallowing what felt like a rock in his throat, Takuto asked, “What do you mean by that?”

She scoffed. “You’ve seen my file, right? There’s a certain blank spot there. Well, the reason it’s blank isn’t my mom’s fault, if you understand what I’m saying.”

“I don’t think I do. You don’t have to tell me if it makes you uncomfortable.”

Another sigh. “It’s not that, I just… don’t like saying the words, that’s all.” She tilted her head to look up at the ceiling, the artificial light bouncing off her glasses to create an impenetrable shield for her eyes. “My mom… has no memories of… creating me. She doesn’t even remember being in a situation that could have led to that.” Her head fell and she peered at him from over the edge of her glasses. “Does that make it clearer, sensei?”

Oh.

Oh no.

Takuto couldn’t bare to look at her, his heart bleeding out. “Ah. How… how long have you known?” How long has Rumi thought that? How long has Kurusu-san thought that?

She shrugged. “As long as I can remember. We lived with my great grandmother when I was little and she took great pleasure in making sure I knew my… origins. One of those traditionalists, you know?” She said it like it didn’t mean anything, like she hadn’t thought she was the product of a heinous crime since she could form memories. Rage swelled, a furious storm to match the drowning well of sorrow within him.

Still, he couldn’t afford to show it—not now, not ever. “I… I see. Well, thank you. I think I’ve gotten a good grasp of the situation you’re in, Kurusu-san. And, to be honest… The school gave me a brief rundown of the circumstances surrounding your transfer here, but thank you for telling me yourself. Your situation is… far more serious than the faculty made it out to be.”

She waved away his sentiments. “It’s in the past.”

“Did you have to force yourself to accept everything that happened…?” he mused under his breath. “No, that doesn’t seem to be it…” Takuto shook his head. “Now that you’ve told me more about yourself, I think I’ve realized something. It seems like you’ve largely been able to reconcile your internal world with your external one.” Don’t think about it, don’t think about it. “I should note—that’s really, truly impressive. Even most adults can’t reliably manage that.”

Kurusu-san tilted her head at him, confused. He explained, “How to put it—You know how everyone has an internal reality? Some conception of themselves they’re striving for? Like, wanting to be a model student, or wanting to be loved and relied on… that kind of thing.” Takuto looked down at his hands. “But that idealized reality and the one in actuality are often far apart. That gap is responsible for a lot of people’s pain.”

It’s responsible for his pain. And the reality Kurusu-san lived in… it was the one she was used to. To disrupt it now… it would only hurt her. She would demand to know the truth and that was something he simply could not explain. He could not change her external reality… her internal one, possibly, but he hesitated to do such a thing to her. Only the most extreme cases had ever gotten that treatment, but Kurusu-san… she seemed so well adjusted, he hesitated to chance that. He stopped. Swallowed the pain. He just had to get through this one session, then he could process everything. “You’ve already been through so much,” he told her, speaking slow so his voice wouldn’t choke up. “That kind of suffering is usually enough to twist people up into dark places. But you—you’re standing up to it, and confronting a tough, painful reality. It’s… incredibly admirable.”

He wasn’t sure how, but he managed to get through the rest of their session without breaking down or revealing anything. Kurusu-san left happy, satisfied with both her mental training and her new confidant, while Takuto left the school for his own apartment, where he could confront his emotions in peace.

Entering the small, dark living area, Takuto didn’t bother turning on the lights. He slid down the door into a heap on the floor and buried his head in his arms. He just wanted her to be happy. He just wanted Rumi to be better, but… This had to be better, right? Even if Rumi didn’t remember him, even if Kurusu-san had no idea who he was, it’s better than Rumi being a hollow husk, right?

What kind of tragic irony was this? Had he not suffered enough?

He wanted so badly to make things better. To come out to Kurusu-san and tell her the truth—she deserved it. She deserved a good life, the best one he could have given her, but instead…

Surely this was better than the alternative, though? He couldn’t have made that bad of a mistake. Because if he had…

Sixteen years with nothing to show for it except love lost and a daughter who thinks he raped her mother.

After hours wallowing in self-hatred and sorrow, Takuto finally fell asleep, still slumped against the door. His dreams were familiar and common—the burglary never happening, his wedding with Rumi, her parents watching with grins from the aisle. The only thing different was flashes of a memory that could have been: a baby swaddled in a pink blanket; a preschooler in a tiny sailor school uniform with a bright yellow hat; a tiny Akira Kurusu smiling up at him with missing teeth, holding his hand.

In a laboratory he had no idea existed, a secret room appeared, containing only a single cradle that began to cry.


	2. These Questions are Dauntless (but aren’t you as well?)

Akira decided she liked Maruki-sensei.

It was strange. In the month and a half she had attended Shujin, he was the only adult who didn’t completely recoil from her. Sure, Kawakami was alright, but only after she caught her moonlighting as a maid (and hadn’t that been an awkward event; she’d given Ryuji and Mishima a lecture for involving her in that situation. If that’s what it meant to be ‘one of the boys’, she wanted nothing to do with it!). But she still wasn’t all that nice to her, even though Akira kept Ms. Chouno from chewing her out. The other teachers were even worse; the moment she looked bored, they’d call on her to answer a question or throw chalk at her!

Which resulted in Maruki-sensei being the only teacher she could reasonably rely on at school. She just wished it hadn’t taken her so long to realize it; she probably would have attended her official second counseling session earlier.

Or, perhaps not. Her reputation was already in the toilet. If she started visiting too often, new rumors of her needing regular counseling sessions would pop up and while she didn’t particularly care about what other’s said, she didn’t want anything to interfere with Phantom Thievery. 

Just one more thing to add to her agenda. Akira sighed. Honestly, it felt like she had her life planned out months in advance. She needed time for Mementoes and Palaces (they had just started Madarame’s, so that was going to take a few days, at least), but that left her too exhausted to do anything outside of LeBlanc in the evenings. She had to hang out with Confidants to get certain helpful perks for heisting and to get higher level personas, not that she actually understood how being close to various people strengthened her heart demons, but okay. She needed time to study and earn knowledge so she’d do well in school, earn charm to avoid problems involving students who didn’t like her, earn kindness to keep people from thinking she was a horrible delinquent, earn guts to stand up for herself, and earn proficiency because, damn it, at this point she needed more lockpicks than hairpins. And that doesn’t even include the time she needed to do homework or work part-time jobs for food money or bathe on a regular basis because Sojiro’s shop doesn’t have a shower!

Akira sat down in the chair by Doc’s right arm, carefully controlling her body to hide any trace of exhaustion. “There needs to be more hours in the day,” she started casually.

“I agree,” he said. “Why though?”

“I have a lot of stuff going on. Homework, part-time jobs, extracurriculars, study group—” The code name for Phantom Thievery— “I feel like I’m planning my life weeks into the future, down to the last minute.”

Maruki frowned. “That doesn’t sound very healthy. Have you been getting enough rest? Free time? Relaxing with friends?”

Akira nodded. Confidant work and improving herself counted, right? “Yeah, all that’s on my schedule. Plus, my cat doesn’t let me stay up later than 10 PM.”

“Still, you should try for some spontaneity every once in a while.”

“I’m fine.” She waved off his concern. “I’m used to this level of meticulousness. It’s really nothing, I was just complaining. So, what have you been up to lately, Doc?”

“I’ve been getting a lot of students coming in ever since I arrived here. To be honest, it’s been… kind of a relief.” Huh? Getting that many students is a relief? He saw her confusion and elaborated. “That whole mess with Kamoshida was the reason I was called here, after all… They warned me a lot of students had been impacted. I knew there would be a lot of free-floating anxiety. But when I actually got to talk to everyone, I was pleasantly surprised. Most of the things on everyone’s minds were college entrance exams, relationship problems… In other words, typical worries for high school students. Some did open up about deeper issues, but not the majority. Some students were still struggling with the scars from the incident, yes… But at the very least, I’m glad the ones who came to me have taken some steps towards recovery.”

She could understand why he felt that way. Besides, it meant the change of heart was worth it; already, there were less victims of Kamoshida running around. “So they have, huh?”

Maruki rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile. “Well, that’s not to say I’ve gotten a sense of every single student’s emotional state. Either way, I hope my worries end up being groundless after all. I know I’m not the most reliable guy, but remember you can always talk to me too if something’s bothering you. I am the counselor here, you know. If nothing else, I’m good at listening.”

Akira nodded. She would try, but she didn’t really have much to say. It wasn’t like she really needed a counsellor.

He continued. “Having said that, it’s a little awkward that I have to ask for your help, but… You remember how I asked you to help me with my research?”

She remembered. “Yeah, for our deal.”

A flash of emotion crossed Maruki’s face, but it was gone before Akira could properly analyze it. “I said you’d be helping with my research, but don’t worry. It won’t be anything too difficult or intensive. I just need you to listen to what I have to say, and work through some questions with me. But let’s see… Maybe I should start at the beginning. I can tell you a little about what this research is for.

“What I’m studying now is pain felt in the mind. Or perhaps more fancifully, in the heart. Some specific examples include the pain of someone saying hurtful things to you, or being separated from those you love…Maybe this would be clearer—pain defined by abstracts, like trauma or stress. Bodily, physical pain can be thought of as something necessary. An autonomic response to injury, illness, whatever.” Doc shot her a concerned glance. “But what about pains felt within one’s heart? That pain isn’t born form any tangible problems in our bodies, right? It’s something strange and immaterial. I guess it goes to show there are still a lot of mysteries in our own hearts and minds. And I… well, I want to learn more about these internal, psychological pains. Now, this is my question to you… When do you truly feel pain in your heart, Kurusu-san?”

She thought of her mother, unable to even look at her when she dropped Akira off at the train station. “When someone betrays me.” Her voice was even, years of practice ensuring it.

Maruki nodded. “I see… Yes, I can sympathize there. Sometimes, all it takes is one betrayal for intense trust to turn into intense pain.” Another concerned glance. “It can be rough. It doesn’t feel good to struggle with pain in your heart. But with that in mind… How about the pain of a broken heart, then? After all, that kind of pain is only born because we fall in love, right? Do you have any thoughts on this kind of pain, Kurusu-san?”

“That one seems necessary.” She’d never felt it before, but there were plenty of love songs and stories describing heart break. It seemed necessary to prove the love was real.

“True. It proves and validates the love that came before it, after all… A very fitting answer from you. Internal, emotional pain can be difficult to deal with. Though some say it’s always coupled with other feelings… And I agree, of course. I think that’s a fair assessment. Though personally speaking… I’d think if pain can be avoided, it should be. Maybe it shouldn’t exist at all.” He glanced away, intense pain on his face before it went blank. Akira frowned. “…Mm. Wounds of the heart are much harder to detect, and in a way, they’re far more complex than physical injuries. That’s why I’m doing this research… To save people who are suffering from internal pain they keep holding onto. You helped me realize that purpose again. Thank you.”

Maruki spoke like… like he was in a lot of pain. Was that what Akira was going to help him with? She helped each of her confidants. She wanted to help Maruki too. “Did that help?” she asked.

He grinned. “Of course! Thanks to you, I can articulate my thoughts for once.”

She could sense Maruki’s gratitude towards her and that strange voice in her head told her that the Counselor Confidant was now at Rank 3. She smiled in return, a small one, just to show her gratitude.

Maruki clapped his hands together “…Okay, I think that’ll do for today. Hm…? Why do I feel like I’m forgetting something…? Oh! The mental training! Right, we need to do that!”

Akira couldn’t help herself. She laughed.

* * *

_A new confidant_ , Akira thought as she watched her Justice, Goro Akechi, walk away. She never would have expected that a detective would become the confidant of a thief. At least she could probably get information on how the investigation into the Phantom Thieves is going from this.

But what would he ask her for instead? He didn’t seem used to talking to other people—at least, not people his own age. Maybe he wanted friends? Akira hoped it wasn’t like that; it would make her feel like shit if she just used his desire for friendship to get info on the investigation. Looking back at their conversation yesterday, he sounded like he had no idea what teenagers were interested in. The only time he actually sounded excited in the entire conversation was when he mentioned—

Ah.

Shit.

It appeared she would have to pursue his confidant with far more rigor than she expected. And lecture Mona about speaking in front of Akechi.

Damn, she was going to have to rewrite her schedule again.


End file.
